August 16, 2014

When Broads Take a Tumble


Mary did not like being sneaked up from behind and upon being hoisted to her feet berated Don in a voice that reverbed off the walls of the indoor pool.

“Like Jane, dear? Jane is a bitter, cynical, chain-smoking shrew who talks of nothing else but what she can and can’t eat, ever since she started wolfing down those ‘miracle’ candy bars you sell from your suitcase.”

She turned on the black suited woman, who was holding her chin rather high at the moment. “The miracle, Jane, is that you can walk at all. No one likes you, dear. Looking down your very sharp nose at everyone, with your hands on your hips–people reeelly love that!

“Did you know, ” she continued, by no means lowering her rather Wagnerian ability to carry to the furthest reaches of the men’s locker room, “I have so many friends on Facebook that they turned my page into a fan site? A fan site, woman! While you…well, we’re all pulling our pennies together to hire a hit man from New Jersey just not to hear about food combining one more fucking time.”


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